![]() ![]() It’s the equivalent of the child who makes the monster hiding in their closet disappear by pulling their covers up over their head while quaking underneath. What we see is the Nine ignoring or denying their rising frustration as it gradually ratchets up and up until they find themselves on the verge of an explosion. Eventually, they get mad at themselves for not being more assertive, and they get mad at their friends for not being more unselfish and considerate.Īll of this is a perfect storm for a specific type of anger reaction. They try to be easy going all the time to make a good impression, and thus deny their own needs by deferring to the needs of their companions. The other thing that’s happening is that Nines fear being perceived as too needy. ![]() Type Nines pride themselves on being ethical and controlled in all instances. Type Nines worry that others will lose respect for them over such behavior but, more fundamentally, an angry outburst goes against their sense of personal integrity. They hate being backed into a corner and forced to bring up old grievances. They hate getting caught up in encounters that might cause them to be overly harsh, loud, aggressive or disagreeable. Hidden within the Enneagram Nine’s pattern of conflict avoidance is a reluctance to deal with unacceptable emotions, most specifically anger. They are conflict-averse to an extreme, and they have difficulty managing the torrent of unsettling emotions they experience when a conflict becomes unavoidable. Rather than deal with the fallout from that, Nines will frame the situation as a “misunderstanding” rather than “irreconcilable differences.” This means they stay more optimistic about finding a solution than the situation really merits.Īs you might imagine, Enneagram Nines dislike conflict even more if it directly involves them. They feel drained and empty when sandwiched between two people who are legitimately upset and blaming each other for their problems. They try to avoid it at all costs.Īs mediators they try to get involved preemptively before things get out of hand. They’re also serial empathizers, able to put themselves in the shoes of others and see and feel things from their points of view.īut despite their diplomatic skills, Nines actually loathe conflict. ![]() They’re always ready to bring people with different ideas together and help them find common ground. To start with, they are natural-born mediators who know how to dampen conflict. Saying “Type Nine” and “angry” in the same sentence is confusing because, in most cases, Nines adopt a public profile that seems the exact opposite of what would be expected from someone with anger issues.
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